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Quotes by Howard Newton
"People forget how fast you did a job - but they remember how well you did it."
By Howard Newton
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"People forget how fast you did a job - but they remember how well you did it."
By Howard Newton
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"Tact is the knack of making a point without making an enemy."
By Howard Newton
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"If you ever catch on fire, try to avoid seeing yourself in the mirror, because I bet that's what REALLY throws you into a panic."
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"I can see why it would be prohibited to throw most things off the top of the Empire State Building, but what's wrong with little"
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"If the captain invited me to his party, after he had whipped me earlier in the day, up on deck, I guess I'd go, but I'd try to f"
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"I'd like to see a nude opera, because when they hit those high notes I bet you can really see it in those genitals."
By Jack Handey Deep Thoughts
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"The tiger can't change his spots. No, wait, he did Good for him"
By Jack Handey Deep Thoughts
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"If aliens from outer space ever come and we show them our civilization and they make fun of it, we should say we were just kiddi"
By Jack Handey Deep Thoughts
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