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Quotes by Stanley Garn
"If the aborigine drafted an IQ test, all of Western civilization would presumably flunk it."
By Stanley Garn
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"I guess I kinda lost control, because in the middle of the play I ran up and lit the evil puppet villain on fire. No, I didn't."
By Jack Handey Deep Thoughts
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"If you're a boxing referee, it's probably illegal to wear a bow tie that spins or changes colors."
By Jack Handey Deep Thoughts
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"Instead of burning a guy at the stake, what about burning him at the STILTS It probably lasts longer, plus it moves around."
By Jack Handey Deep Thoughts
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"I think a good gift for the president would be a chocolate revolver. And since he's so busy, you'd probably have to run up to hi"
By Jack Handey Deep Thoughts
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"If you ever reach total enlightenment while you're drinking a beer, I bet it makes beer shoot out your nose."
By Jack Handey Deep Thoughts
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"I can picture in my mind a world without war, a world without hate. And I can picture us attacking that world, because they'd ne"
By Jack Handey Deep Thoughts
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"Marta likes to talk about sensuality, but I don't think she would know sensuality if it bit her on the ass."
By Jack Handey Deep Thoughts
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